Recently I've Been...A Student For 3 Months
Life has kept me busy lately, which you may have guessed from the title of this blog post (originally saying 1 month). I've been learning, doing, creating, thinking and fundamentally trying to catch up with myself. Because of all of this busy-ness, my blog posts are being written and delivered in drips and drabs.
I am a university student now, which is a very weird thing for me to say, and I have been for over 3 months.
The reason that I am declaring this only now is that I don't really feel like one yet. I'm not too sure what It should feel like- maybe this is it?
I never planned to go to Uni. My little brain when I was a junior never looked at university and said: That's where you're going one day. There was once a time when I was 10 that I visited a university on a school trip and I remember liking the look of it but that was more of the adultness of what it looked like (Lol), not so much the educational side. I didn't know what I wanted to do back then.
Another reason why I hadn't really mentioned University is that I'm finding it rather tough. I've had a lot of hesitations sharing this because of how hard I'm finding it. But I've been thinking and I take comfort in others sharing things like this and so I'm hoping others will take comfort from this. Saying this, it's a different experience for everybody and I'd like you to read this with that in mind...
University is hard. It's tough emotionally, mentally and physically with the workload.
If you've been reading my blog for a while or if you've dipped in here and there you may remember me mentioning collecting results from college? College is an experience I also found hard and especially at the beginning. I remember it taking until I got to a certain project to enjoy it- and that was a good few months in. By this point I had gone through projects, trial and error, some successes, and I wasn't getting to grips with it, I wasn't feeling into it. It took getting used to my surroundings and practising and pushing my work in order to finally get to know what was being asked of me. When I did and I got that first Distinction I never looked back and I loved college. It felt like I was really getting somewhere and I don't know if anyone else ever feels like this but when I've achieved something with my work and I love it, I feel a purpose.
College was really hard to let go of and I still miss it terribly. I think part of that is my comfort that grew there; I knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. To be taken away from that and into new depths was and is terrifying. In all honesty, it feels a little bit like heartbreak. I'm back to a point where I feel out of my depth, the pressure to have amazing work because I'm at university- which you're told as a child is the ultimate. I'm in a class with the other hard workers who were just like me: the lovers of education and excessive hard workers in their class.
It's a lot to handle.
I write all of this and I essentially take my heart out and give it over briefly to the internet to look back at the title of this post and realise: It's only been 3 months.
The emotions are a lot in this weird first stage and like anything new, this won't last, I hope- although, as this is typed I can feel the uncertainty in my chest.
In spite of this, I'm still creating and doing things. Which brings me to...
Recently I've been:
- Knitting on the knitting machine
- I've finished two books: The Note and The Postcard by Zoe Folbigg.
Thoroughly enjoyable and rather appropriately I read them on the train.
- Having a play on Photoshop. One of my absolute favourite things to do is experimenting on Photoshop, and I've had a lot of fun having a play.
- Building a ma-hoo-sive Sketchbook. Just before the Christmas break, I handed in a large volume of work that I had been working on from September. No pictures I'm afraid- It was a bit of a rush in that last hour.
- Pumpkin carving. I collected my pumpkins late October and actually couldn't find the time to carve them until November 3rd and then the 13th. They lasted pretty well and I got to use my lino cutting tools for extra detail...
As ever, Thank you very much for reading and I will be back soon.
Love,
Buddy xx
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