Motherhood Pre-Motherhood #4 - Baby is Here
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| Original Illustration by Buddy Summer |
Baby is Here (Installment 4 of this series)
The realisation that you are responsible for another life as well as your own is a big whack of a stick. From what I've seen, I don't think anything prepares a parent or family member for a new person who's so tiny yet needs so much of you- all of you.
There's no exam you have to take on parenting and protecting this tiny person. No circuit track in a gym hall where you have to make the perfect time to change a nappy or warm up a bottle. It's just you the parents and your baby, and occasionally someone else there to lend a much-appreciated hand.
How do you really know what you're doing? Mothers ask. What do you do with them now they're here? Am I really aloud to take this baby home with me?
In the book Happy Mum Happy Baby by Giovanna Fletcher (A nonfiction book detailing Giovanna's experience of Motherhood) she says 'I felt completely out of my depth in my new role as a mother'. I say that this is completely understandable and I can see how anyone starting this adventure would feel this way.
When I was younger I'd see mothers and expect that they immediately knew what they were doing and didn't have to slide into the role because hey they're mums, of course, they know what they're doing. Isn't that what you want your child to think? That you are the mum and you know, and have always known, what's right and wrong and whats best. In reality, becoming a mum is a daunting experience. Mothers and parents were once where we are in life. Babys don't realise that you weren't always a mum and that this experience is new for you too. You're both getting to know each other and unlike real life there's no chance to briefly step away from the other.
The first few weeks are emotional, new, stressful, overwhelming and tiring. Talking to mums around me I know that they can also feel anxious, excited, worried, complete, content, happy and full of love.
There's crying and this is coming from the parent and the baby. The babies only way of communicating is crying and I think this sometimes gets misconstrued but they can't communicate what they need. It's probably really frustrating for them...
Imagine being in a foreign country and really needing food, a drink or the loo. Not one person is understanding you but they are flustering around trying to get you what you need. Meanwhile, the need is getting stronger and theres still no chance of any understanding. Frustrating right? If you're able to read this I know that you're not a baby and therefore have a different way of expressing a desperate need than crying in the face of the people trying to help you. But baby's learn how to cry from the moment they are born and this is a sign that they have arrived and they are well. This is how they communicate until they learn words or hand gestures (aka Baby Sign).
The cry of the baby which was once such an amazing sign that they've arrived becomes overwhelming. You're getting to know your baby and they are getting to know you. In some cases the bond isn't instant, I've heard of this more often for dads in circumstances where the baby is tearful and what they need is from their mum; milk or special skin to skin. For the first few months, babies are adjusting to being out or Utero and so they need these skin to skin cuddles. More on the subject of cuddles later on.
Sleep. I can sense all the parents reading this suddenly reading with more attention. What even is sleep when you're a parent? You lose a lot of this re-boot in the first few years of the baby's life but actually for the rest of the time the reason for lack of sleep changes. It goes from having to feed the baby, change a nappy or soothe them to sleep to worrying. I believe that even now my mum will worry and lose sleep. It's the same for all parents no matter how old your child because you have so much love for them- they are the most important thing and their life becomes your focus; a tv show that you are very much a part of.
The exact total loss of sleep varies for everyone, each person has an individual experience. What I have heard from many sources is that these nighttime cuddles with the baby are dearly missed later on in life when they disappear.
I'm picturing a beautifully calm moment with parent and baby rocking softly in the armchair. It's dark outside with only a few stars and odd lights flickering in the neighbourhood. Babys' eyes are shut whilst you gaze at them with love and adoration. One flicker of an open eyelid and all peace is broken- they wake up and nighttime has ended at 2:30 am.
Tired. Parenting is a tiring job indeed with all the sleep lost and mix and match of a routine. For a while, your normal day is thrown up in the air when you take naps whilst your baby is sleeping and eating as and when you can rather than the normal times.
I'm not a parent, which means that I can sit on the outside and see perhaps what you can't when you're in the bubble of motherhood. Sometimes mothers can feel lonely and isolated from the world they once had. There are things that can help, for example, there are support groups for each mum be it family or newfound friends on the ride with you. Late-night Whatsapp groups exist in 2019 where you can talk to other mums awake in the middle of the night like yourself and things like this can battle loneliness. Groups with your child are actually for the parent- the baby can play and learn but really it's the parents that need to talk to others experiencing the same thing.
There's no exam you have to take on parenting and protecting this tiny person. No circuit track in a gym hall where you have to make the perfect time to change a nappy or warm up a bottle. It's just you the parents and your baby, and occasionally someone else there to lend a much-appreciated hand.
How do you really know what you're doing? Mothers ask. What do you do with them now they're here? Am I really aloud to take this baby home with me?
In the book Happy Mum Happy Baby by Giovanna Fletcher (A nonfiction book detailing Giovanna's experience of Motherhood) she says 'I felt completely out of my depth in my new role as a mother'. I say that this is completely understandable and I can see how anyone starting this adventure would feel this way.
When I was younger I'd see mothers and expect that they immediately knew what they were doing and didn't have to slide into the role because hey they're mums, of course, they know what they're doing. Isn't that what you want your child to think? That you are the mum and you know, and have always known, what's right and wrong and whats best. In reality, becoming a mum is a daunting experience. Mothers and parents were once where we are in life. Babys don't realise that you weren't always a mum and that this experience is new for you too. You're both getting to know each other and unlike real life there's no chance to briefly step away from the other.
There's crying and this is coming from the parent and the baby. The babies only way of communicating is crying and I think this sometimes gets misconstrued but they can't communicate what they need. It's probably really frustrating for them...
Imagine being in a foreign country and really needing food, a drink or the loo. Not one person is understanding you but they are flustering around trying to get you what you need. Meanwhile, the need is getting stronger and theres still no chance of any understanding. Frustrating right? If you're able to read this I know that you're not a baby and therefore have a different way of expressing a desperate need than crying in the face of the people trying to help you. But baby's learn how to cry from the moment they are born and this is a sign that they have arrived and they are well. This is how they communicate until they learn words or hand gestures (aka Baby Sign).
The cry of the baby which was once such an amazing sign that they've arrived becomes overwhelming. You're getting to know your baby and they are getting to know you. In some cases the bond isn't instant, I've heard of this more often for dads in circumstances where the baby is tearful and what they need is from their mum; milk or special skin to skin. For the first few months, babies are adjusting to being out or Utero and so they need these skin to skin cuddles. More on the subject of cuddles later on.
Sleep. I can sense all the parents reading this suddenly reading with more attention. What even is sleep when you're a parent? You lose a lot of this re-boot in the first few years of the baby's life but actually for the rest of the time the reason for lack of sleep changes. It goes from having to feed the baby, change a nappy or soothe them to sleep to worrying. I believe that even now my mum will worry and lose sleep. It's the same for all parents no matter how old your child because you have so much love for them- they are the most important thing and their life becomes your focus; a tv show that you are very much a part of.
The exact total loss of sleep varies for everyone, each person has an individual experience. What I have heard from many sources is that these nighttime cuddles with the baby are dearly missed later on in life when they disappear.
I'm picturing a beautifully calm moment with parent and baby rocking softly in the armchair. It's dark outside with only a few stars and odd lights flickering in the neighbourhood. Babys' eyes are shut whilst you gaze at them with love and adoration. One flicker of an open eyelid and all peace is broken- they wake up and nighttime has ended at 2:30 am.
Tired. Parenting is a tiring job indeed with all the sleep lost and mix and match of a routine. For a while, your normal day is thrown up in the air when you take naps whilst your baby is sleeping and eating as and when you can rather than the normal times.
I'm not a parent, which means that I can sit on the outside and see perhaps what you can't when you're in the bubble of motherhood. Sometimes mothers can feel lonely and isolated from the world they once had. There are things that can help, for example, there are support groups for each mum be it family or newfound friends on the ride with you. Late-night Whatsapp groups exist in 2019 where you can talk to other mums awake in the middle of the night like yourself and things like this can battle loneliness. Groups with your child are actually for the parent- the baby can play and learn but really it's the parents that need to talk to others experiencing the same thing.
For a while, you're dealing with the physical responses to the aftermath of pregnancy and birth.
Physical happenings:
I recently completed a project that featured mothers and so I continued to absorb this area of life I'm not in but I can see, more and more clearly as time goes on. Listening to Giovanna's podcasts (Happy Mum Happy Baby) had me so enthralled that I found myself learning all of these new things and coming up with my own opinions that I felt inspired to write a blog post. Only, everything I wanted to discuss couldn't fit in just one post so I've ended up separating the topics creating a series of posts.
If you would like to catch yourself up on my other Motherhood themed blog posts, I will leave the links below:
The original that kick-started them all: Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: A Young Adults Perspective
Number 1. Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Introduction and the TMI Edition
Number 2. Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Road To Baby
Number 3: Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: The Birth
I hope you enjoy them and perhaps come away having learnt something new or with your own opinion. I always say that what I'm writing about is what I've learnt from other parents and reliable sources. I always include the sources at the very end of the post but I urge you to seek a reliable source yourself if you have questions, worries or concerns.
As ever, thank you greatly for reading!
Love,
Buddy xx
Where To Find Me:
Instagram
Facebook
Twitter
BlogLovin'
Bibliography
Physical happenings:
- There's such a thing called Postpartum baby hair. Sometimes hair is lost during pregnancy- not a lot of it- but what is lost returns in the form of little hairs that spring out from your head.
- Periods return- not having a period for nine months leads to an increase in the amount of blood produced.
- Depending on birth, mothers have stitches to contend with.
- Leaky boobs- Milk kicks in and there's a period of time when your learning how to cope with the influx alongside feeds. I believe even if you're not breastfeeding, milk is still produced; some mums don't produce milk at all.
- Mess and stains- Babys come with a lot of leaks and these can get everywhere!
- Phantom Kicks- not everyone experiences this, it's the feeling of your baby kicking from inside your stomach after they're born. Many women experience this although it's somewhat of rare topic heard in conversation. It can occur a long time after the child has been born.
Seeing my sisters after the birth of their children, I don't think I thought too much about what they were going through in the first few months; to a year, really. Talking to them and learning, through various sources, I feel more in the know. Becoming a mum is such a challenge and I think your inhibitions just fly out the window- in the best way. There's no time to care about worries you had before because now there's this person relying on you and they aren't bothered by anything else except that you are there.
One of the reasons why I wanted to write these posts, putting my findings into sizeable chunks, is because what we learn as children then young adults is only a small percentage of reality. I've heard from many that books on parenting and pregnancy can only take you so far yet suggest a certain way of carrying out the role of mum. They're good for research but ultimately what works for you could be something different. The same goes for advice: take the knowledge and information and then experiment with what works for you.
You may have read this picture I've painted and count yourself out of parenting but the loudest find is that the love for a child outweighs any of the negative and the challenges...
Content, tired, happy, complete, emotional, excited, worried, anxious, in love
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In case you're new to my motherhood themed posts, let me explain... In the past few years, I've become very interested in motherhood and the unspoken happenings that come with the title of Mum. I am not a parent but I've always been surrounded by parents and children and so I've picked up different knowledge on experiences. 
I recently completed a project that featured mothers and so I continued to absorb this area of life I'm not in but I can see, more and more clearly as time goes on. Listening to Giovanna's podcasts (Happy Mum Happy Baby) had me so enthralled that I found myself learning all of these new things and coming up with my own opinions that I felt inspired to write a blog post. Only, everything I wanted to discuss couldn't fit in just one post so I've ended up separating the topics creating a series of posts.
If you would like to catch yourself up on my other Motherhood themed blog posts, I will leave the links below:
The original that kick-started them all: Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: A Young Adults Perspective
Number 1. Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Introduction and the TMI Edition
Number 2. Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Road To Baby
Number 3: Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: The Birth
I hope you enjoy them and perhaps come away having learnt something new or with your own opinion. I always say that what I'm writing about is what I've learnt from other parents and reliable sources. I always include the sources at the very end of the post but I urge you to seek a reliable source yourself if you have questions, worries or concerns.
As ever, thank you greatly for reading!
Love,
Buddy xx
Where To Find Me:
BlogLovin'
Bibliography
- Fletcher, G. (2017). Happy mum, happy baby. London: Hodder & Stoughton, p.All.
- Fletcher, G. (2018). Alex Jones. [podcast] Happy Mum Happy Baby. Available at: https://www.giovannafletcher.com/podcasts/series-two/alex-jones [Accessed 26 Aug. 2019].
- Fletcher, G. (2019). Chris and Rosie Ramsey | HAPPY MUM, HAPPY BABY: THE PODCAST | AD. [video] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNzdqv0FFKI&t=694s [Accessed 26 Aug. 2019].
Other sources include chats with mothers around me.
