Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Road to Baby

Baby in Utero- Illustration by Buddy Summer

Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Road to Baby

(post two)

Becoming a parent is a very different experience for everyone. At school and as a young person, you're told about how to prevent pregnancy, to expect a period every month but miss it when you're pregnant, you're told a little bit about the birth- enough to know about the birth canal. But other than that you're left in the dark about the reality. What do you do if you're struggling to get pregnant?

Izzy Judd brought this up in her podcast session with Giovanna and before that point, I hadn't really thought about it. Of course, I'm not at the stage of bringing a child into the world. So what I'm saying is girls and guys are expected to cross that bridge when they get to it. This may not be a bad thing for people who would rather not worry before they need to but I think it would help for schools to teach these young adults that sometimes conceiving is difficult, there are routes you can take. I feel that this would normalise infertility and perhaps lessen the feeling of failure I've learnt people experiencing this can feel about their body and themselves.

Giovanna talks about her struggles and experiencing a miscarriage. This is a deeply personal part of her story and so I won't share Giovanna's personal experience.

What I've learnt about miscarriage is that it is when a baby is lost to the parents within the first 23 weeks of pregnancy. Sometimes there are no symptoms but often discovering a period is the main sign. Cramping and stomach pain accompany this. Discovering blood is a push to phone a doctor- sometimes light bleeding is experienced during the first 3 months but mostly having a period whilst bearing a baby is not to be dismissed.

I understand why taboo subjects such as losing a child or even TMI subjects are not often discussed and that's because they're difficult to talk about. Here I could start to go into detail about the saddening happenings of losing a baby but it's deeply emotional and quite frankly I don't feel qualified or well educated enough in this area to go into detail. I will note that the sources (listed at the end of this post) I am learning these things from are from actual experiences of real-life people and reliable websites such as the NHS.

Adoption- illustration by Buddy Summer

What I would like to add to this subject, however, is that getting to the point of pregnancy can take a long time for many women and sometimes help is required. I don't perceive this to be anything to be ashamed of. If you need help to get to that little colourful bundle of love then that is ok. It feels silly for me to even say that but it really is ok; I really believe so. Even so, I understand it can be a difficult conclusion to come to- maybe due to the 'done thing' being naturally, with no interventions. This is what we grow up thinking will happen.
Sometimes women can get to pregnancy and lose the baby, sometimes still having to give birth to their child who is no longer with us. These women are still mothers and in many cases have been known to eventually conceive.

Now, there are these occurrences but this isn't the case for everyone. As I've said, each parent has a different experience. I've learnt of mothers deciding they want to get pregnant and it happens very quickly (Louise Pentland's podcast session with Giovanna). women discovering they have Polycystic Ovaries (a condition meaning that you don't produce as many eggs as the ordinary woman making it harder to conceive but oh so achievable) and having children, parents trying without trying (aka not not trying), surprise pregnancies, months of trying, not so many months of trying- it is so different for everyone and even then the shock of actually holding a human that you've created seems to shock, shake up your world and have you entranced in love for your child. Not all parents feel that instant bond but more on that another time.

When your facing challenges with conceiving, there are other routes which may or may not be successful;
IVF- In Vitro Fertilisation: when both the core ingredients needed to make a baby are taken from the women and man and fertilised (put together) outside of the body. This embryo is then placed into the womb of the woman where it's hoped to develop and grow into a baby. The ingredients can be taken from the hopeful parents of donors; other people. Although, this process isn't as simple as this. There are many steps before a pregnancy test (plural or singular).
For more details on the IVF process in the UK, I will leave the link to the NHS website I used as a reference: HERE
Surrogacy- When the ingredients from the hopeful parents are planted into an outsider- a woman who then bears and grows the baby.
Adoption- Parents raise children or a child who they did not create themselves.
There can be obstacles and struggles with these methods of various kinds.

Something that all pregnant women are advised to do is to be kick aware. This is being aware of the movements of your baby and making sure they are well. I've learnt that there's no agreed amount of movements that the baby should be doing but getting to know your baby and their pattern of movement is an important thing in pregnancy. This isn't to say that every day at 7 pm they will move to the left but just getting to know how much your baby tends to make movements. It's essential that if you notice a decrease in movements or if they've slowed down to contact a midwife or a maternity unit straight away. Signs such as a drop in kicks or turns can be a warning sign that the baby (or babies) is unwell.

Friends inspired Illustration by Buddy Summer

Eventually, Giovanna went on to have 3 baby boys which she calls her silver lining.

Every mother I've spoken to has said that it's the best job in the world and the glint in their eyes really shows me the meaning of their words.
Parents/carers, no matter how your child was brought into the world you are the most important person to that child. You are their love and their life.

Have you ever noticed that in friends, the TV show, the three main women all bring babies into the world in different ways? Rachel is a single mum, Phoebe was a surrogate (following the process we in the UK would call IVF) and Monica adopted. Courtney Cox, Who plays Monica, in real life struggled to have children the traditional way and followed the IVF process.
Giving three women unconventional ways of bringing children into the world and that are on such a high platform hopefully shows people across the globe how anyway you choose to do this process is ok if it's right for you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You can give birth out the sunroof (c-section), out the birth canal, using your egg to cook in another oven or not using your egg but find a new one- it doesn't matter how just that you've done an incredible thing. Baby's and new life are beautiful things.

Friends inspired Illustration to GIF by Buddy Summer

I'd like to end this with a question for women who have experienced pregnancy. What does it feel like to have a baby in your stomach? Many people I've spoken to say that it's a unique feeling and a lovely one at that A little bit like butterflies. What was your experience like? You can get in touch on any one of my social media pages listed below (commenting on this blog has some issues!)

Instagram / BlogLovin' / Facebook / Twitter

As ever, Thank you for reading!

Lots of love,
Buddy Summer xx

Previous Motherhood Pre-motherhood post: Motherhood Pre-Motherhood: Introduction and the TMI Edition

Bibliography:

• NHS.uk. (2018). Miscarriage. [online] Available at: https: //www.nhs.uk/conditions/miscarriage/ [Accessed 5 March. 2019].
• Watson, S. (2018). Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): Symptoms, Causes and Treatment. [online] Healthline. Available at: https://www.healthline.com/health/polycystic-ovary-disease [Assessed 5 Mar. 2019]
• NHS.uk. (2018). IVF. [online] Available at: https//www.nhs.uk/conditions/ivf/ [Acessed 5 Mar. 2019].
• Fletcher, G. (2018). Louise Pentland Happy Mum, Happy Baby: The Podcast. [podcast] Happy Mum Happy Baby: the podcast. Available at: httsp://giovannafletcher.com/podcasts/series-three/louise-pentland [Acesses 5 Mar. 2019].
• Fletcher, G. (2017). Happy mum, happy baby. Croydon: Hodder & Stoughton, p.All.
• Gurevich, r. (2019). How Many Ovarian and Antral Follicles You Should Have for Fertility?. [online] Very well Family. Available at: https://www.verywellfamily.com/follicle-female-reproductive-system-1960072 [Acessed 25 Mar. 2019].
• Fertility answers. (n.d). Steps in the IVF process- IVF centre in Lousiana. [online] Available at https://www.fertilityanswers.com/ivf/ivf-process-steps/ [Accessed 25 Mar. 2019].
• Kicks Count (2018). Holly Willoughby talks Baby Movement. [video] Available at: https://www.kickscount.org.uk/holly-willoughby-talks-kicks-count [Accessed 25 Mar. 2019].